Sabotage

Someone is sabotaging me as best they can. That someone is me.

What is with that?!?! Am I afraid to lose weight? I find myself so hungry and munchy and I just can't say no to myself. WHY??? I know I am doing good for myself finally. I know that I am feeling and (maybe?) seeing changes in myself. So how do I reward myself? I order a damn PIZZA! Huh?

And what is really bothering me is, as I'm eating this crap (and not always recording it, btw), I am saying to myself, "why are you eating this?" "What is so good about this pizza that it is worth sabotaging my losses?" I know what I am doing is hurting me and only me, but I still do it!!!!!!!!

What is wrong with me????

I had joined the 9 day challenge on the General Daily Thread on the WW community, but had to withdraw myself this weekend. Something is very wrong in my back and shoulders so I can't work out to the extent that I'm supposed to in order to stay in the challenge. I can hardly move! I missed work and class yesterday. Not a good thing in either case. I am behind in my classes and there are only a couple left!

I have been procrastinating quite badly with my class too...Altogether I feel like things are falling apart.

At least I got some stuff done for the CCMF tournament in the spring. We have lots to do still, but at least we have a few key things in place now. That's the only thing I have accomplished lately!

I'm off to watch Biggest Loser. Hopefully it will inspire me to get off my ass.

Sorry for the bitching. Needed somewhere to vent...

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